Saturday, September 3, 2011

Can you defy Gravity? Let's try together

Can you imagine someone saying they don't believe Gravity because they can't put their human brain around the concept? I mean if you think about it, gravity IS a hard concept to comprehend.

That said, my buddy Paul and his wife Paula did teach their (now) 5 year old daughter when she was much younger to answer, when something falls off the table, “Do you know what caused that to fall Cecilia?” “Gra-ba-tea in that cute little kid voice is always the answer”

By the way, Cecilia tells me I am her #4 or #2 boyfriend behind a couple boys in her school. I have never been #1!?! Hmm, I would like to meet the little 4 or 5 year old Casanova who has her heart. Being single again I might be able to pick up a tip or two from that kid. Of course my ranking seems to depend on the day and how recent we've seen each other. Amazing, eh? Even at that tender age she's already gained the important skill of having guys pack their guilt trip bag for not showing her more attention! And she does it with that cute little pouty lip too....very similar to what that cute 20-something gal displayed right after she almost ran me over while I was waiting to turn left on my motorbike a few weeks back.

Now that gal was good! Her instinctive method was to pull over to the shoulder, act all shook up, say “Sorry I almost ran you over Sir (made me feel distinguished & fatherly),” show her little girl pouty lip on cue, make sure I saw/believed it, tell here it's ok, CUT, drive off and start looking for next man to try to hit/kill. I really had no idea that women developed these skills so young. Then again, YES I did for I have 3 beautiful daughters and was married for almost 21 years. I saw it most days and it's God-given. Thank God for women! But they are my Kryptonite, like Eve was to Adam I guess. But I am VERY mindful when offered an apple by a beautiful woman or an old witch, because you just never know...

Yeah I said that.

Anyway, Paul (Ceci's Dad) you better upgrade your gun armory, alarm system and/or put a moat around your house brother before she gets much older! Also maybe, if you haven't already, do something about Lil' Casanova before it's too late.

So back to the Gravity lesson. So say a man, let's call him “Mr. Bill” like the old SNL skit character, is so passionate re: his non-belief in Gravity that he decides one day to put it to test by going to the top of the empire state building, then Mr Bill climbs out to the edge and jumps off. However, as the concrete comes up faster and faster Mr Bill quicker and quicker becomes a believer probably doesn't he or at least he starts to get some doubts in his faith that Gravity does not exist, right? It's literally right in his face now and there is no denying it.

So okay Brian. We proved Gravity and the science a long time ago, so what? Plus you are just on this new Jesus/Bible/God kick so what the Hell do you really know? You were that crazy guy I knew back when ______ (fill in the blank with the crazy time we did whatever together). Or why don't you just shut-up, stop blogging this crap & just do like those other “Jesus-freaks” do by simply forwarding me a few dozen cute “Jesus Loves Me” emails that I can easily delete, forget about, and then put you in my block or spam email folder? Cmon dude this blog used to be pretty cool. You used to talk about flying, riding motor motorbikes, and doing cool stuff. WHAT HAPPEN TO YOU? Oh yeah, you got brain cancer (AGAIN), you split up with your old lady, and went all Christian on me.

Quick answers why I won't just shut up, stop blogging, and send email forwards like some Christians do: 1. Yep, I am on this new kick with Jesus, and I LOVE IT, it gives me unspeakable strength through Him & I pray that is lasts my whole life and beyond, 2. I am VERY selective about what I forward via email, use BCC for all email forwards, 3. I prefer to write e-mails instead of being a Simpleton who forwards every cute or interesting email I get. I mean really, right? We all have a couple of THOSE friends already, don't we? You don't need me sending you crap too. You know the friend who forwards us EVERY cute/funny/Jesus/send this email or you die email they get WITHOUT CHANGING the subject line from FWD: HERE'S THE LATEST CRAP I'M SENDING YOU AND IT'S AS WORTHLESS AS THE LAST HUNK OF JUNK I SENT YOU YESTERDAY. Cmon, really?!?! Learn to type an email friend or at least to change the subject line to make it less obvious....just saying.

But if I do get something really good about Jesus now I take the time to read it and it may be coming your way friend (and I will edit it a little). Please don't send me anything on politics, for example how the Republican/Democrat parties Obama/Bush administrations have everything fouled up. My silent answer will be DELETE.

Plus please take the time to fact check your forward emails before your buddy does it for you and does a Reply to All email (because you used CC with everyone's email address listed instead of BCC) and he calls your dumbass out on an obvious error. Now flying emails...send 'em my way baby. Love em, I might not read em all, so please don't ask me at the next Experimental Aircraft Association meeting if that email you sent me about the Wright Flyer moved me because it was 3 weeks ago and my memory sucks, but I will scan it. And lastly I HAVE A BLOG (some will say the ultimate in the self-centeredness that allows the author to air whatever the heck they are thinking, but I use it to honor Him as best I can in my goofy way).

Wow! How the Hell did we go from Gravity and the analogy I was working on there to email forwards? The workings of a guy with a hole in head. Do you think this will change after Thursday when my divot (hole in my head) is repaired? I hope not in a way.

So okay, I got it all Ace! I feel you. But are YOU ready for something that is going to BLOW YOUR FREAKIN' MIND? Are you ready for something that could possibly change the way that you look at religion, that funky priest who looked at you strange when you were a cute little boy, or that crazy Baptist preacher with the bad hairdo who wanted you to burn your AC/DC record (what an idiot if you did that!), Tammy Faye Baker with her bad makeup, and all those other Freaks for Jesus, ok?

So let's Roll with this.

So let's start with some common heard theories:

My brother, or some of my buddies might say something like;

  • “Ah the Bible was written by a bunch of old guys to keep everyone in check back in the old days Bri”

  • It's a nice story book but it really doesn't matter dude.”

  • You know as long as I am a “good person” I will be okay in whatever heaven there is

    Okay, I am trying to be gentle with your feelings if you side with any of those theories or simply don't have one, but Bullshit is all I have to say to those theories my friend! Don't believe me? Ok let's do a quick test of your and my faith....

    So let's be magically transported and we are both standing on top of the empire state building with Mr Bill. Got it? So we are going to go ahead and stop here, okay? My cancer buddy Todd Drenkhahn told me recently that my blog entries have been getting a little long so I am going to break this one up into 2 parts. Stay tune until tomorrow (or the next day) and we will pick up with us falling to our certain death, hang on for a fun ride neighbor!


1 comment:

Danita Pergerson said...

Wow!!!!! Wohoo and all that jazz! I sure hope putting that piece back in your head doesn't change a thing my friend...cause you are honoring my Jesus big time and I Know some are out there listening. The may not know it...but the Holy Spirit is yanking their chain right now and He won't let go until they surrender! Keep shouting it out brother! Love you! D